Let’s Debate

. Is our nation still unprepared for disasters?

ARE WOMEN BETTER THAN MEN. A man has an average of 6 items in his bathroom; average # of items in a typical women’s bathroom is 35. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

The more power tools a man has, the more manly he feels – even if he never uses them.

Men see the telephone as a communications tool – they use the phone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Men usually don’t want to cook…unless it’s grilling. They will cook if danger is involved.

Men have never understood why women cry & cry so much… Women cry when they’re happy, when they’re sad, when they’re angry, when they’re tired. Sometimes they cry & they don’t even know why. Now that’s spooky.

A man will not stop for directions…he will drive in circles for hours and say, “I thought we would take the scenic route. I think I recognize that store!”

Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I’ve never seen a man walk into a party and say “Oh, I’m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There’s another man wearing a black tuxedo.”

These are just a few examples of just how different we are.

Disclaimer: The word “sex” is not used in this talk except in the form “other sex.” Also, this is not just for marriage or dating!

Disclaimer: Many of the examples mentioned in this talk are generalizations and will not be true in all cases. Some limitations apply. Batteries not included. Some assembly required. Please keep your arms & legs inside the ride until it comes to a complete & final stop, and enjoy the ride.

Explanation of “So What”

Quote from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, pg 8

“’So God created man in his own image, in the images of God he created him; male and female he created them.’ (Gen 1:27). Now, we know that God doesn’t have a body, so the uniqueness can’t be physical. Gender simply must be at the level of the soul, in the deep and everlasting places within us. God doesn’t make generic people; he makes something very distinct – a man or a woman. In other words, there is a masculine heart and a feminine heart, which in their own ways reflect or portray to the world God’s heart.”

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Me Tarzan, You Jane: Roles

Men

A man’s body has a larger frame, stronger muscles, 50% more brute strength, thicker skull (no kidding!), bruise less easily, have better total body coordination, and visual/spatial superiority. Many of these physical differences are due to higher levels of testosterone.

Men are essentially built for physical confrontation and the use of force.

Men are more aggressive, combative, and territorial.

Women

Women tend to be much more sensitive to sounds and smells than men; as such, women tend to place more emphasis on atmosphere. (Ex.: Men’s dorm)

Women are in touch with a much wider range of feelings than men and the intensity is greater, too; as a result of this. Many of these differences are due to a larger thyroid.

Women often feel or express greater compassion for people.

So What?

Men are made to be providers & protectors – God gave them that role. These are also attributes of God.

Ps 91:1-4: “1He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 2I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’ 3Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. 4He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”

Women are made to be nurturers & nest-builders.

Ps 65:4: “How blessed is the one whom You choose and bring near to You to dwell in Your courts. We will be satisfied with the goodness of Your house, Your holy temple.”

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GI Joe, Meet Barbie

Example

•    Make lists of what men & women do at different stages of their lives: childhood, teenage, adult. Men will tend to do independent & competitive things; women will tend to do cooperative & relational things.

Women

Women are more proficient at language abilities – speak sooner, larger vocabulary, earlier reading.

Girls more interested in toys w/faces (stuffed animals & dolls). Girls play peacefully & cooperatively. A lot of talking & relationship oriented play.

Women talk about relationships, people, physical appearance, private things.

Men

Men are better at building & figuring out puzzles. Men are more interested in objects and things rather than people & feelings.

Boys are drawn to blocks or anything that can be manipulated. Boys play w/toys that are violent & competitive. There is very little talking – only grunts, car noises, & yelling.

Men talk about sports, work, money, public things.

So What?

Men are competitive & independent

Women are cooperative & relational

Psalm 10:16-18a: “16The LORD is King for ever and ever; the nations will perish from his land. 17You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, 18defending the fatherless and the oppressed…” (NIV)

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What Ticks Your Tock, What Floats My Boat

Woman

Women need to receive love, caring, understanding, devotion, and reassurance. They are motivated when they feel special or cherished.

A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships.

Men

Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, and approval.

Men’s sense of self is defined by his ability to achieve status & results. Men’s self-esteem is more related to what they do – career, sport, etc.

Men are motivated when they feel needed. A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, though he may never express this.

So What?

Women want closeness, that’s her #1 priority.

Psalm 37:23-24: “23The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. 24When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong because the Lord is the one who holds his hand.” (NAS)

Men want achievement, that’s his # 1 priority.

Psalm 24:1-2: “1The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it; 2for he founded it upon the seas and established it upon the waters.” (NIV)

Example

Dorm room skit: Christine sick, Mark calls. What do you think each of us wanted?

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It Doesn’t Take a Brain Surgeon: Problem Solving & Thinking

Men

Men like to reason out decisions (know how they got there). Men operate logically first– facts, things they can see & measure.

Men tend to focus on one or a limited number of problems at a time. They have an enhanced ability to separate themselves from problems.

The male brain is more specialized – the two sides being more distinct from each other. Thus, men cannot switch between sides easily. (watching TV & listening – not good…)

Women

Women operate emotionally – personal, gut level. She attaches herself to the situation, responds to every nuance & subtlety. She uses all of her senses. Her intuition picks up things that men miss completely.

Women tend to be global thinkers. But this also means that they may become overwhelmed and have difficulty separating their personal experience from problems.

They use both hemispheres of the brain simultaneously – they have four times as many neurons connecting the right and left sides.

Example

Men are like filing cabinets – works on one thing at a time, in depth. When they need to work on the next thing, they file away the current item and pull out the new one. Example: watching TV & talking to a man…not a good idea.

Women are like chalkboards – everything is in front of them at once. This enables them to see the big picture, but also can be overwhelming or distracting at times.

So What?

Men approach problems logically first, women approach them emotionally first. Men have to know the decision is right. Women need to feel that the decision is right. Caution: Men should be careful not to see a woman’s emotional insight as simply fear-based nor unintelligent.

Together, these differences can bring about balanced decision making.

Logic – Ps 8:3-4: “3When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have ordained, 4what is man that you take thought of him, and the son of man that you care for him?”

Emotion – Ps 103:8, 11, 13: “8The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love… 11For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him…13As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him…”

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Can You Hear Me Now: How It All Affects Communication

Men

Men rarely talk about their problems unless they are seeking expert advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness.

Men have a much more difficult time relating to their own feelings and may feel very threatened by the expression of feelings in their presence; this may cause them to react by withdrawing or attempting to control the situation

Men want the short, condensed version. Men process internally. Before a man will share verbally what’s inside, he’ll carefully think through and organize the situation. Short on spontaneity, long on control.

Women

When a woman shares a problem she usually wants a listening ear & to know that someone cares. Sharing and discussing a problem is a way to deepen the relationship with the person they are talking to.

For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it a sign of caring to give support.

Women process as they talk – they make connections & figure out their reactions as they go. A woman might start a conversation w/”I don’t know how I feel, but…”

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No Hablo Ingles: How To Speak With the Natives

An easy technique to keep in mind when making statements to one another is to use “I” statements. Each person takes responsibility for their feelings, needs, and thoughts by starting sentences with “I feel,” “I think,” or “I would like” and so on. Using this rule keeps statements short, and clear. It reduces the likelihood that the listener will feel accused. Consider how a person might react to the following: “You ticked me off when you didn’t call.” A more effective way would be “I felt hurt when you didn’t call.”

Also, ask questions in the appropriate “language” – “What are you feeling?” or “What are you thinking?”

Be honest & don’t assume they know how you are thinking or feeling. Example: Oh, you should just know. If I have to explain it, then just forget it.

Men – learn to talk & share a  One reason men die earlier than women is because they holdJbit. You won’t die.  things in, causing internal stress.

Women – try not to be quite so intense in getting a man to talk…it actually makes him shutdown. Ask men questions in a concise, low-key manner (i.e. – a note), then give them time.

Women, make sure you’re not expecting to get all of your fulfillment from a man. Develop your relationship with God & with other friends.

Correlary – men, make sure you’re not trying to get all your fulfillment from within. Develop your relationship with God & others.

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Conclusions

Butterfly / buffalo story picture from “For better or For Best” by Gary Smalley, pg. 29:

The best example…to illustrate these differences is to compare the butterfly with the buffalo. The butterfly has a keen sensitivity. It is sensitive even to the slightest breeze. It flutters above the ground where it can get a panoramic awareness of its surroundings. It notices the beauty of even the tiniest flowers. Because of its sensitivity, it is constantly aware of all the changes going on around it and is able to react to the slightest variation in its environment. Thus, the butterfly reacts with swiftness toward anything that might hurt it. (Try to catch one without a net sometime.) If a tiny pebble were taped to its wing, the butterfly would be severely injured and eventually die.
The buffalo is another story. It is rough and calloused. It doesn’t react to a breeze. It’s not even affected by a thirty-mile-an-hour wind. It just does right on doing whatever it was doing. It’s not aware of the smallest flowers, nor does it appear to be sensitive to slight changes in its environment. Tape a pebble to the buffalo’s back and he probably won’t even feel it.
The buffalo isn’t ‘rotten to the core’ just because he goes around stepping on pretty flowers. In fact, the buffalo’s toughness is a tremendous asset. His strength, when harnessed, can pull a plow that four grown men can’t pull.

We are first to love God above all else. Part of honoring God is honoring his creation. You must accept how God has made us: a unique man or woman created for a special purpose. He made us differently for specific reasons and roles.

Second, we are to love others. Loving doesn’t mean trying to change someone or become identical; love means trying to understand our differences. We aren’t to be abrasive to one another; we are to compliment each other. To reject the opposite sex is to reject God and reflect negatively on the character of God. The task that faces us as men & women is to learn to accept our differences, avoid taking our differences as personal attempts to frustrate each other, and honor each other as God’s unique creations.

So Women are not better than men nor men are better than women… both are different…..