You can become better or worse…..
Questions for discussion
1. Share an experience where you felt encouraged after a criticism.
2. Share an experience where you felt hurt after criticism.
Input
“When criticism is healthy and constructive it comes from a true mentor. But when it comes from a person who’s driven by ego who wants to run you down then he cannot be a true teacher”.
“If its constructive criticism, the person who is being criticized should focus on the area of concern that the mentor is criticizing and understand that the mentor’s only purpose is to refine your skills and polish your talents and make you shine like a diamond. So everybody needs to go through the grind which involves criticism to improve oneself and then only they will shine” explains Dr Chikhal.
But how will a person know that the person is really a mentor? Explains Dr Chikhal, “The person should go to the mentor and talk to him in person or in private and if he’s really showing you the path to grow then he’s a true mentor. But if he’s a driven by ego then he’ll point out only the mistakes and at that time one should realize that the person is just full of rubbish”, she advises. “So don’t be foolish, he’ll criticize you only to annoy you and not paying attention to whatever he says is the best way to handle such people”, she says.
Varkha Chulani, a psychologist and psychotherapist says, “Criticism is best handled if not taken personally. It must be considered as feedback and analyzed properly to see if there is any grain of truth in it and if there is, then one must use it to improve oneself”. She also advises, “So one must evaluate criticism objectively and dispassionately and either work towards it or discard it if it’s rubbish. Also one should understand that criticism needs to be accepted as a part and parcel of life and hence must not be taken negatively”.
One question that haunts many of us is even if we do feel like criticizing someone constructively or telling the other person which behaviour needs to be corrected without hurting the person’s sentiments, what is the proper way to do so? “The person who is criticizing or even the judges in any reality show for example must realize that they are on a pedestal and that the participants look up to them. So they should tell both the good and bad points of a person. They should be very expressive and particular about the faults and harmonize it with the good points. They should go behind the scenes and talk to the participants.
Criticism labels or categorizes an artiste. It puts them into a kind of matchbox and when a person is put in such a state, the creativity suffers, says Dr Chikhal.
In fact, when one is criticizing someone, care should be taken to see that the person is not blamed but that the behaviour is addressed.
Dr Chulani says, “Criticism should not be used to put a person down. In fact, the person should be made to feel that he needs to improve a certain facet of his behaviour. Criticism is mostly unhealthy, so one needs to evaluate the feedback properly and either use it or ignore it depending upon whether there is any truth in what is being said.”
Adapted from – Bombay Times – Monday, July 07, 2008
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